I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
