My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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