can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
