Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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