This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
