So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
