marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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