I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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