Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
