I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you didnt know i had herpes?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
