she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize