we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
