I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize