90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize