god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
