i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
