Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
