I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
