saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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