The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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