i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
