He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
