she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
