I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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