I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
