the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
