and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
