My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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