i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize