whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
