just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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