so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
