what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
