Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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