I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
