the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
