We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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