I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
