It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
