She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
