this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
