I wish my penis had an off switch
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
