One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
