Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did I show you my penis last night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
