I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
