How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize