It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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