i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
