brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
