he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
