So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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