I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
