sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize