he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
