I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
