Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
