Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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