guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
