i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My balls are so social today.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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