Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
