I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
