Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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