this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
